I don't usually start off a post with "Whoa!". In fact I don't think I ever say, "Whoa!" - but then, I don't ever think I've seen "a black which absorbs 99.96% of "all light" before. Yes, all light. That means anything you cover with it becomes...well...flat. If you don't believe me check out 'the blackest unicorn in the whole wide world' on Instagram. The colour is produced by the UK firm Surrey NanoSystems and was developed for military purposes such as the painting of stealth jets.

So why am I talking about worm holes? Well, you think this article is about colour, don't you? It's not. It's much, much more. It's about a colour war. A war between two titans: Black 2.0 and Vantablack, the two blackest blacks on the planet. Black 2.0 is currently on back order due to “huge unexpected demand,” and is already making a splash on Reddit’s MildlyInteresting forum, where one astonished user described another’s photo of a Black 2.0–painted ping-pong ball as “a portable hole.”

But Vantablack strikes b(l)ack, bringing with it a few tag team buddies - we have the Pinkest Pink, the Greenest Green and the Loveliest Blue. These, ladies and gentlemen, are (dramatic pause, then say in a loud and booming voice) the mightiest colours on the planet!

All this drama is really about Anish Kapoor, who seems to have monopolised the rights to Vantablack. Rival colour maker Stuart Semple has struck out and issued a clause in the purchase of his Black 2.0 prohibiting the purchase or use by Kapoor, just as Kapoor did with his black.

Wait till we get started on the next big main event : Kapoor vs. Semple's "Diamond Dust"... yep you guessed it: "The World's Most Glittery Glitter."

It's black vs. black guys...and only the blackest will survive.


(that's a real hashtag, by the way)